1 00:00:12,735 --> 00:00:15,390 Mmm... Mm-mm! 2 00:00:17,215 --> 00:00:19,260 So, uh... 3 00:00:19,303 --> 00:00:22,698 RJ, um, has our little Indian neighbor shown you 4 00:00:22,738 --> 00:00:24,305 her vaj majal yet? 5 00:00:24,347 --> 00:00:26,219 - Rick! - What? 6 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,001 what he means is, 7 00:00:28,044 --> 00:00:29,523 how are things going with Claire? 8 00:00:29,566 --> 00:00:31,263 - Yeah. - Yeah, RJ. 9 00:00:31,306 --> 00:00:32,786 How's three weeks of finally getting a girlfriend 10 00:00:32,828 --> 00:00:33,960 and still not getting any treating you? 11 00:00:34,002 --> 00:00:35,351 Shut up, Miles. 12 00:00:35,394 --> 00:00:36,961 Hey, seriously, if I were you guys, 13 00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,918 I'd think about covering the furniture 14 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,526 before Mount Saint Blue balls finally erupts. 15 00:00:40,569 --> 00:00:42,223 - Miles. - Hey, hey. 16 00:00:42,265 --> 00:00:47,140 What's the difference between RJ and Dick Clark? 17 00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:48,877 Umm... 18 00:00:48,919 --> 00:00:50,878 At least that Dick had a stroke. 19 00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:54,400 Oh, that is awful. 20 00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,923 But is, is Miles right, bud? 21 00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:59,315 I mean, is that squirrel making you dance for your nut? 22 00:00:59,356 --> 00:01:00,967 I really like Claire, you know? 23 00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:03,359 And if she wants to wait to do that stuff, then... 24 00:01:03,401 --> 00:01:04,837 It's okay with me. 25 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,143 No, you really like Jenny Swanson. 26 00:01:07,185 --> 00:01:10,972 But if you can't hit this Claire girl slum-doggy style, 27 00:01:11,012 --> 00:01:13,188 how are you ever gonna be able to get with Jenny? 28 00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:16,102 You have to not be scared to go for it, right? 29 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,536 - You have to initiate. - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:17,579 --> 00:01:19,755 Like if you're sitting next to her, okay? 31 00:01:19,797 --> 00:01:23,365 Take her hand gently in yours. 32 00:01:23,407 --> 00:01:25,278 Place it in your lap. 33 00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:28,149 Like so. 34 00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:30,932 Oh, there's something in my hand. 35 00:01:30,974 --> 00:01:32,627 Oh, yeah, she'll catch on real quick. 36 00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:34,977 It's like playing your Wii. 37 00:01:35,018 --> 00:01:37,455 Okay, easy, we're not trying to start a fire. 38 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:38,933 - Oh, sorry. - Yeah. 39 00:01:40,585 --> 00:01:41,717 Miles, come on. 40 00:01:41,759 --> 00:01:43,848 My name is RJ Berger. 41 00:01:43,891 --> 00:01:46,023 And I'm never playing Wii again. 42 00:01:54,807 --> 00:01:56,939 You'd think that with all the 43 00:01:56,981 --> 00:01:58,417 skull fragments and blood spatters 44 00:01:58,459 --> 00:02:00,505 that it would kill the sexual tension. 45 00:02:01,983 --> 00:02:04,333 There's just something about Miami, I guess. 46 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,115 Maybe it's the heat. 47 00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:09,683 Well, then perhaps 48 00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:11,595 we should ditch the clothes. 49 00:02:11,637 --> 00:02:16,077 Oh, I can't even look at it. 50 00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:19,946 God, have you ever seen anything so hideous. 51 00:02:19,987 --> 00:02:22,032 It doesn't even look like a human. 52 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,946 This is gonna take more 53 00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:26,992 than just regular police work, Sanchez. 54 00:02:27,032 --> 00:02:29,600 This is gonna take Miami police work. 55 00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:33,254 Easy now, easy. 56 00:02:35,295 --> 00:02:36,732 Hey, man, they have these reports. 57 00:02:36,774 --> 00:02:38,994 It's a .9 millimeter casing. 58 00:02:39,036 --> 00:02:42,039 Ortega, what else did CSI come up with? 59 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,300 It's getting kinda late, RJ. 60 00:02:46,342 --> 00:02:48,257 I think I have to leave. 61 00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:50,693 Wait, you sure? 62 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,519 Okay, bye! 63 00:02:56,649 --> 00:02:58,086 Your dad's right, man. 64 00:02:58,128 --> 00:02:59,608 You gotta be more aggressive. 65 00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:02,741 You gotta take it out and just... bam! 66 00:03:02,781 --> 00:03:04,783 Yeah. You see that, baby? 67 00:03:04,826 --> 00:03:07,263 That's right, that's my D-piece. Deal with it. 68 00:03:07,304 --> 00:03:10,394 Dude, I don't understand what everyone's problem is. 69 00:03:10,436 --> 00:03:12,220 I don't mind that we're not doing filthy things 70 00:03:12,262 --> 00:03:14,177 to each other. Claire's awesome. 71 00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,265 And I don't wanna do anything that's gonna mess that up. 72 00:03:16,306 --> 00:03:19,005 Right now, I am cool with just 73 00:03:19,046 --> 00:03:21,135 enjoying each other's company. 74 00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:22,832 Hey! 75 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,571 Are you a little girl? 76 00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:34,227 - Excuse me? - Are you a little girl?! 77 00:03:34,268 --> 00:03:36,749 - No. - Good. 78 00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:38,400 'Cause this is the high school bus. 79 00:03:38,443 --> 00:03:40,445 This bus is for big boys 80 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,925 - and big girls only. - Okay. 81 00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:45,882 And let me give you a little piece of man to pussy advice. 82 00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:48,927 When you say things like "enjoy each other's company," 83 00:03:48,968 --> 00:03:51,797 that makes dudes wanna punch you in the face. 84 00:03:51,838 --> 00:03:53,753 I don't ever wanna hear that kind of talk 85 00:03:53,795 --> 00:03:55,841 on my bus again, you got it? 86 00:03:55,883 --> 00:03:57,493 And let me tell you something else. 87 00:03:57,535 --> 00:03:59,058 I wouldn't go bragging about 88 00:03:59,101 --> 00:04:00,842 how you're not getting any, either. 89 00:04:00,884 --> 00:04:03,060 If I were you... 90 00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:06,018 I'd start lying my scrawny little ass off. 91 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,365 Mm-mm. 92 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,846 Well... Congratulations, RJ. 93 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,585 You just got advice from the bus driver. 94 00:04:16,627 --> 00:04:18,150 I believe that's a new low. 95 00:04:20,107 --> 00:04:21,848 Stacey is just a few pushes away 96 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,413 from being a teenage mother. 97 00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:26,240 "Harder, harder!" says the nurse. 98 00:04:26,282 --> 00:04:28,458 Ironically, those were the very same words 99 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,982 that got Stacey in this mess nine short months ago. 100 00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:37,591 Stacey sure looked sexy that night. 101 00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:40,679 But now... 102 00:04:40,721 --> 00:04:43,245 Ohh! 103 00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:46,290 She just had a bowel movement in front of everybody 104 00:04:46,331 --> 00:04:49,378 - with her last big push. - Oh, dude, what the hell?! 105 00:04:57,421 --> 00:04:59,597 Congratulations, Stacey. 106 00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:01,423 Too bad you can't keep the baby 107 00:05:01,466 --> 00:05:03,642 and give those stretch marks up for adoption. 108 00:05:05,815 --> 00:05:08,992 Blood, poop, and ruined bodies. 109 00:05:11,381 --> 00:05:14,210 All righty. In the minutes remaining, 110 00:05:14,251 --> 00:05:17,385 I will pull a few slips from the anonymous question bin. 111 00:05:17,426 --> 00:05:19,951 Um... 112 00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:23,343 "Is it weird that all I want to do 113 00:05:23,385 --> 00:05:25,256 "is give my boyfriend BJ's? 114 00:05:25,298 --> 00:05:28,867 Like, 24-7." Ha, all right. 115 00:05:28,908 --> 00:05:30,605 Weird, well, I wouldn't call it weird. 116 00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:33,128 Actually, it's pretty common. 117 00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:35,651 But you might want to mix it up an eensie teensie bit. 118 00:05:35,692 --> 00:05:39,087 You know, like, uh, the sidesaddle French butler, 119 00:05:39,128 --> 00:05:40,390 like we talked about in class yesterday. 120 00:05:40,432 --> 00:05:42,565 Mm-hmm, yeah. 121 00:05:42,607 --> 00:05:44,261 Okay, next question. 122 00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,261 "I have two girlfriends. 123 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,871 "They both know about each other. 124 00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:49,872 "They are totally cool with it, 125 00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:51,567 "and we have sex all three of us 126 00:05:51,609 --> 00:05:53,046 like, a dozen times a week..." 127 00:05:53,088 --> 00:05:55,612 This bin is for serious questions, you all. 128 00:05:55,654 --> 00:05:58,483 Not for bragging. Next. 129 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,831 "Is it normal..." Mmm... 130 00:06:00,873 --> 00:06:03,179 "for a boy to want to wait?" 131 00:06:03,222 --> 00:06:05,485 Well... 132 00:06:05,526 --> 00:06:07,877 On the record, I'm supposed to tell you that it's 133 00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:10,225 totally normal for a boy to want to wait, but we're buds. 134 00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:11,964 Off the record? 135 00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:14,052 If boys your age want to wait, 136 00:06:14,094 --> 00:06:16,227 they really should see a doctor because 137 00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:19,445 they either have a serious hormone imbalance 138 00:06:19,487 --> 00:06:21,054 or they have a secret craving 139 00:06:21,096 --> 00:06:22,663 for the warm flesh of another fella. 140 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,316 Which is totally okay. 141 00:06:37,752 --> 00:06:40,363 And I was like, "Hey, just call me the milkman, baby, 142 00:06:40,406 --> 00:06:42,408 "'cause I'm delivering cream every day." 143 00:06:42,449 --> 00:06:45,061 Cream! 144 00:06:45,102 --> 00:06:46,756 What, you trying to get me to touch your titty? 145 00:06:46,799 --> 00:06:48,496 Put your hand down. 146 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,366 So I heard, I heard Berger here's 147 00:06:50,408 --> 00:06:52,105 got himself a second girlfriend, huh? 148 00:06:52,148 --> 00:06:53,627 Hey, you know, besides big boy over here. 149 00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:55,803 Yeah, yeah. 150 00:06:55,844 --> 00:06:58,325 That, uh, that Indian girl, right? 151 00:06:58,366 --> 00:06:59,628 Yeah, there's no way he's hitting that. 152 00:06:59,671 --> 00:07:01,325 No, no. There's no way. 153 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,847 There's no way you're getting your tomahawk 154 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,369 anywhere near her wigwam. 155 00:07:05,891 --> 00:07:07,022 Wrong Indian, douche-face. 156 00:07:08,369 --> 00:07:09,762 See, see, look. You touched a nerve, man. 157 00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,023 He's definitely getting denied. 158 00:07:13,327 --> 00:07:14,719 If I were you, I'd start lying 159 00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:17,025 my scrawny little ass off. 160 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:21,287 Yeah, well, actually, as a matter of fact, 161 00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:23,549 I got a tugger from her last night. 162 00:07:25,721 --> 00:07:27,114 Wow. 163 00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:29,028 Well, look at that, huh? 164 00:07:29,071 --> 00:07:32,814 RJ Berger got his nuts all... drained. 165 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,423 Relax, bro. 166 00:07:40,465 --> 00:07:42,163 You said it, they left you alone. 167 00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:44,554 - You did the right thing. - Miles, I lied. 168 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,991 That makes me no better than those future date rapists. 169 00:07:47,032 --> 00:07:48,729 I don't wanna be the type of guy who spreads rumors. 170 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,818 Especially about Claire. 171 00:07:50,859 --> 00:07:53,862 Dude, I spread, like, four rumors a day. 172 00:07:53,904 --> 00:07:56,384 None of them ever get back to the person who... 173 00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:57,819 Uh! 174 00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:58,949 Have you been telling people 175 00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:00,994 that I let you motorboat my boobs? 176 00:08:02,862 --> 00:08:05,996 Robin, I swear to God, I never... 177 00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:09,649 Courtyard after school, be there or be a bitch. 178 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,039 Wait, wait. 179 00:08:11,082 --> 00:08:13,780 - You wanna fight me? - No. 180 00:08:13,822 --> 00:08:16,041 I wanna beat you till you beg for death. 181 00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:18,173 I'm sick of you spreading lies about me, Miles. 182 00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:21,261 So I'm gonna spread your face across the concrete. 183 00:08:23,781 --> 00:08:27,089 Ugh! Dude... 184 00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:28,828 Did you hear that? 185 00:08:28,869 --> 00:08:31,132 Miles. She knows my name! 186 00:08:31,175 --> 00:08:32,872 You see what I mean, dude? 187 00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:35,568 The rumor always gets back to the person who started it. 188 00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:37,742 Now Claire's gonna find out, and it's all gonna be over. 189 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,787 - I'm a dead man. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 190 00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:41,526 - What if you didn't lie? - But I did. 191 00:08:41,568 --> 00:08:43,092 As of now, yes. 192 00:08:43,134 --> 00:08:44,483 But what if you can make the lie true 193 00:08:44,526 --> 00:08:46,267 before she hears it? 194 00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:47,658 Then you're only guilty of kissing and telling, tops. 195 00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:50,312 Dude, that is... 196 00:08:50,354 --> 00:08:52,051 Genius. 197 00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:53,877 Make the lie true. 198 00:08:58,008 --> 00:08:59,748 RJ! 199 00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:02,402 - Hey. - Hey! 200 00:09:02,444 --> 00:09:03,837 You don't have gym now. 201 00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:05,098 No, I was going to talk to the coach 202 00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:08,230 about, uh, something in his area of expertise. 203 00:09:08,272 --> 00:09:10,665 Oh, something ball related, no doubt. 204 00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:12,491 Yup. 205 00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:14,797 I heard a disturbing rumor. 206 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,753 Did... did you? 207 00:09:19,796 --> 00:09:23,147 Apparently, Miles is going to fight Robin Pretnar 208 00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:24,320 after school today. 209 00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,887 Oh, yeah! Oh! 210 00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:29,105 Yeah, that one is spreading like wildfire. 211 00:09:29,146 --> 00:09:31,105 I mean, people seem really excited about it. 212 00:09:31,147 --> 00:09:32,583 Well, you know, you'd be surprised 213 00:09:32,626 --> 00:09:34,106 how many people hate Miles. 214 00:09:34,148 --> 00:09:35,889 It's amazing, really. 215 00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:37,715 - Claire! - Oh, I gotta go. 216 00:09:37,757 --> 00:09:38,758 Okay, I'll see you later. 217 00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,587 See you. 218 00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:55,720 What? 219 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,069 Berger, what are you doing here? 220 00:10:02,112 --> 00:10:03,722 Our appointments are on Tuesdays. 221 00:10:03,764 --> 00:10:05,897 Coach, um... 222 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,942 What's the quickest way to get a tug job? 223 00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,029 I've hit a body before, Berger. 224 00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:12,291 - And I'll do it again... - Oh, no, no, no, no, Coach. 225 00:10:12,332 --> 00:10:15,248 Not, not from you. 226 00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:17,509 Oh. 227 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,770 Well, then... 228 00:10:19,812 --> 00:10:21,422 Take a seat. 229 00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:22,770 All right. 230 00:10:26,249 --> 00:10:28,382 Um... 231 00:10:28,423 --> 00:10:30,686 I've tried, I've tried everything. 232 00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:32,425 - I did the cute little jokes. - Mm-hmm. 233 00:10:32,468 --> 00:10:35,819 Um, I put her... I put her hand on my... 234 00:10:35,861 --> 00:10:37,819 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and I... 235 00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:39,732 I did the, um, the whistle move. 236 00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:42,516 You know, the... 237 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,602 This girl slow or something? 238 00:10:43,645 --> 00:10:45,603 - No. - Then stop making noises 239 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:46,821 like your Johnson's in a Saturday morning cartoon. 240 00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:50,604 You only got one hope, man. 241 00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:51,953 Pheromones. 242 00:10:51,995 --> 00:10:54,084 - What... what? - Pheromones? 243 00:10:54,126 --> 00:10:57,825 Well, I'm sorry. What's a pheromone? 244 00:10:57,867 --> 00:10:58,868 It's the smell we give off 245 00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:01,130 that triggers a mate's attraction. 246 00:11:01,171 --> 00:11:03,173 Now, I ain't talking about your little boy musk, either. 247 00:11:03,216 --> 00:11:07,133 I'm talking about the swamp rot of a real man's taint. 248 00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:10,829 Think of it as, uh, nature's scented body spray. 249 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,785 All right? You want a tug job? 250 00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:16,047 Next time you see this girl, 251 00:11:16,088 --> 00:11:19,091 you make sure you stanker than a cave man's ass. 252 00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:21,657 And pray two million years of evolution kicks in. 253 00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,224 Hey, Robin. 254 00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,790 What the hell do you want, dead man walking? 255 00:11:32,832 --> 00:11:34,703 Dead man walking. 256 00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:36,574 So, um, hey, I was thinking. 257 00:11:36,615 --> 00:11:37,747 You know, this whole thing's 258 00:11:37,790 --> 00:11:39,575 been blown way out of proportion. 259 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,923 Let's be honest, you don't really wanna fight me. 260 00:11:41,966 --> 00:11:43,619 Wrong. 261 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,924 Uh, well, I mean, don't you think 262 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:46,837 it'd be a little embarrassing? 263 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,838 I mean, look at me and look at you. 264 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,490 I'm, like, three times your size. 265 00:11:50,532 --> 00:11:52,883 Ah! 266 00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:55,406 You're nothing but a big pussy, Miles. 267 00:11:55,447 --> 00:11:57,275 Not only am I gonna beat your ass, 268 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,232 but I'm gonna tell the whole school 269 00:11:59,274 --> 00:12:02,364 that you begged for mercy like a little bitch. 270 00:12:15,409 --> 00:12:18,194 I triumphant music 271 00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:29,111 This... is for us. 272 00:12:41,111 --> 00:12:42,852 Thanks for agreeing to train me. 273 00:12:45,983 --> 00:12:48,115 Something tells me that Robin's gonna be fighting dirty. 274 00:12:48,157 --> 00:12:50,942 And well, you are the dirtiest girl I've ever met 275 00:12:50,984 --> 00:12:52,202 in every conceivable way, so... 276 00:12:52,245 --> 00:12:54,247 Aw, Miles, that's the sweetest thing 277 00:12:54,289 --> 00:12:56,944 - you've ever said to me. - Ah, stop it. 278 00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:58,726 Okay, so, like, what are some of my, 279 00:12:58,768 --> 00:13:00,552 uh, like, defense options? 280 00:13:00,595 --> 00:13:03,467 Well, the good news is you've got Titanic thighs 281 00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:05,032 to protect your balls. 282 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,859 - Right. - The bad news, 283 00:13:06,902 --> 00:13:09,339 you've got a lot of other wide open acreage. 284 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,992 - Okay. - Things to look out for... 285 00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:13,078 Nails. 286 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,557 Oh, you'd think she'd stoop to scratching? 287 00:13:15,599 --> 00:13:17,383 Not scratching, tubster. 288 00:13:17,426 --> 00:13:19,428 - Digging. - Digging? Oh! 289 00:13:19,469 --> 00:13:20,470 Focus, Miles. 290 00:13:20,514 --> 00:13:22,385 There's a way out of this. 291 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,776 If you yank your arm back as hard as you can, 292 00:13:23,818 --> 00:13:25,255 you'll break her nails. 293 00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:26,820 Do it now! 294 00:13:26,863 --> 00:13:29,344 Oh, I did it! I did... 295 00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:33,345 Don't get cocky, she's got a bag full 296 00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:35,084 of makeup and loose change, and she'll use it. 297 00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:37,215 You gotta warn me before you do that! 298 00:13:37,257 --> 00:13:39,781 Oh! 299 00:13:39,823 --> 00:13:41,173 You gotta stay frosty, bitch. 300 00:13:41,215 --> 00:13:42,521 What the hell?! 301 00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:44,174 She's not gonna be using a stapler... Oh! 302 00:13:44,215 --> 00:13:47,479 You wanna land as many ovary shots as you can. 303 00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:49,827 And if you're lucky, she'll be on her period. 304 00:13:49,869 --> 00:13:50,609 Okay, enough. 305 00:13:50,652 --> 00:13:52,350 And last but not least, 306 00:13:52,391 --> 00:13:54,480 you gotta be ready for the nuclear options. 307 00:13:54,523 --> 00:13:58,135 Ahh! 308 00:13:58,176 --> 00:13:59,742 And that concludes today's lesson. 309 00:14:03,525 --> 00:14:06,310 ♪ I'm so fresh, I'm so fresh, fresh ♪ 310 00:14:06,352 --> 00:14:09,137 ♪ 'Cause I'm fresh, I'm so fresh, fresh ♪ 311 00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:11,790 ♪ Yeah, I'm fresh, I'm so fresh, fresh ♪ 312 00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:14,138 ♪ 'Cause I'm fresh, fresh, 'cause I'm fresh, fresh ♪ 313 00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:16,573 ♪ 'Cause I'm 314 00:14:16,616 --> 00:14:19,184 I do wanna go but I'm not sure if my parents will let me. 315 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,879 They're very strict. Where are you go... 316 00:14:20,922 --> 00:14:22,619 Good afternoon, milady. 317 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,706 My God. 318 00:14:24,748 --> 00:14:26,576 RJ, do you smell something rancid? 319 00:14:26,618 --> 00:14:28,881 Rancid or irresistible? 320 00:14:28,924 --> 00:14:30,838 You have a weird hair on your lip. 321 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,536 It's short, and red, and curly. 322 00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:40,494 I was thinking a little Miami crime-fighting? 323 00:14:40,535 --> 00:14:43,146 - 9:00, my house? - Oh, my God, RJ, it's you! 324 00:14:43,188 --> 00:14:45,407 You smell awful. 325 00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,321 You don't like it? 326 00:14:47,363 --> 00:14:49,582 Like it? No, why on earth would I like it? 327 00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:51,844 Well, give it a minute. 328 00:14:51,886 --> 00:14:54,149 You know, let nature take its course. 329 00:14:54,191 --> 00:14:57,411 What's the matter with you lately, RJ? 330 00:14:57,453 --> 00:15:00,195 First the weird jokes, then the whistling noises, 331 00:15:00,236 --> 00:15:02,847 and now these disgusting smells? 332 00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:04,195 I don't think I can hang out with you tonight. 333 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,891 You know, perhaps we should spend a little while apart 334 00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,023 while you sort yourself out. 335 00:15:11,804 --> 00:15:13,937 Ooh... 336 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,242 Looking good, Berger. 337 00:15:18,024 --> 00:15:20,852 ♪ Funky mad lovin' 338 00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:24,504 She looked at me like I'm crazy. 339 00:15:24,547 --> 00:15:26,331 I mean, I'm an idiot, Miles. 340 00:15:26,374 --> 00:15:29,029 She's the only girl who likes me in 15 years, 341 00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:31,246 and I find a way to screw it up. 342 00:15:31,288 --> 00:15:33,420 Dude, are you kidding me? 343 00:15:33,463 --> 00:15:34,943 I got maced in the eyes 344 00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:36,813 training to fight a girl, asshole. 345 00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,944 Stop whining about your stupid girl troubles. 346 00:15:38,986 --> 00:15:40,727 Well, well... 347 00:15:40,768 --> 00:15:42,379 Stay the hell away from me. 348 00:15:42,421 --> 00:15:44,249 I heard your so-called girlfriend 349 00:15:44,292 --> 00:15:45,989 finally struck white gold. 350 00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:47,902 Okay, that's a rumor. 351 00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:49,859 And the fact that you heard that means I'm a dead man. 352 00:15:49,902 --> 00:15:51,121 What the hell you talkin' about? 353 00:15:51,163 --> 00:15:52,686 I told a couple of guys 354 00:15:52,729 --> 00:15:54,383 that Claire gave me a pickle tickle, 355 00:15:54,424 --> 00:15:56,078 and now the whole school knows. 356 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,340 So she didn't strike white gold? 357 00:15:58,382 --> 00:16:00,645 She hasn't even started drilling. 358 00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:02,515 I've tried everything. 359 00:16:02,557 --> 00:16:05,125 I mean, the tricks, the innuendos, the jokes. 360 00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,907 Have you tried asking her? 361 00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:08,516 Asking her what? 362 00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:10,691 I swear, boys are so stupid. 363 00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:13,779 Listen, not that I like the idea 364 00:16:13,821 --> 00:16:16,302 of you and what's-her-name getting it on, 365 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:20,434 but girls aren't into cutesy crap and tricks. 366 00:16:20,475 --> 00:16:22,477 They like it when a guy's direct. 367 00:16:22,519 --> 00:16:25,218 Exactly, dude! Bam! 368 00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:27,696 That's my D-piece, baby. Deal with it! 369 00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:29,740 No. 370 00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:32,220 I mean, talk to her. 371 00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:33,915 You idiot! 372 00:16:40,263 --> 00:16:42,178 Hey. 373 00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:43,612 Um, I need to talk to you. 374 00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:44,917 What now, RJ? 375 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,137 Hey, hey, way to go, HJ Berger. 376 00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,223 Uh, somewhere a little bit more private. 377 00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:50,353 What? 378 00:16:52,223 --> 00:16:53,311 Okay, so I'm gonna start by saying 379 00:16:53,353 --> 00:16:56,487 that I like you. 380 00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:59,183 I really like you, okay? 381 00:16:59,225 --> 00:17:03,055 And these past few weeks have been... 382 00:17:03,095 --> 00:17:05,619 Wow. They've been amazing. 383 00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:07,358 But I promise to be straightforward with you 384 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,446 from here on in. And I respect 385 00:17:09,489 --> 00:17:11,795 your pace and your timeline. 386 00:17:11,837 --> 00:17:15,058 And I respect your body, I really do. 387 00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:16,970 And you know what, I'm the first... 388 00:17:17,012 --> 00:17:18,971 I'm the first to admit that I don't really know... 389 00:17:20,708 --> 00:17:22,928 I don't really know when to, you know, 390 00:17:22,971 --> 00:17:24,711 like, initiate things. I'm just... 391 00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:25,797 I'm not the best with that type of thing. 392 00:17:27,841 --> 00:17:29,886 And, and, and I want you to feel comfortable, 393 00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:32,410 but I want you to know that I wanna do things to you, 394 00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,062 and I want... mmm! 395 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:42,846 Good day, ladies and gents! 396 00:17:42,888 --> 00:17:45,021 The world is alive, is it not? 397 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,675 There's a sort of merriment in the air. 398 00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,196 That's the sound of half the school 399 00:17:49,239 --> 00:17:50,849 waiting to see Miles get his ass kicked. 400 00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:52,849 She'll back out. 100% 401 00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:54,850 Miles, Miles... 402 00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:56,676 I've had an epiphany. 403 00:17:56,718 --> 00:17:59,025 Holy [bleep], you busted your nut, didn't you? 404 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:00,546 Indeed I did, Lily. 405 00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:03,418 And when all that tension was released, 406 00:18:03,459 --> 00:18:05,940 I came to a conclusion. 407 00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:08,158 The world is a beautiful place. 408 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,028 Great, two tugs on his wang, 409 00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:11,854 and he's Deepak freakin' Chopra. 410 00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:15,074 Hey, fatty. It's go time. 411 00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:26,641 Ready to have your lying mouth shut for good? 412 00:18:26,683 --> 00:18:29,077 Look, Robin, I'd really rather not hit a girl. 413 00:18:30,945 --> 00:18:32,947 Oh! Except for right now, bitch! 414 00:18:32,990 --> 00:18:35,557 Hell yeah! 415 00:18:35,599 --> 00:18:36,817 You know, it didn't have to be 416 00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,122 this way, Robin. 417 00:18:38,165 --> 00:18:39,688 You brought this on yourself. 418 00:18:39,730 --> 00:18:41,515 Ha! Whoo! 419 00:18:56,126 --> 00:18:57,127 Ow! 420 00:19:02,606 --> 00:19:04,129 That all you got? 421 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,001 Shouldn't you stopping this? 422 00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:11,784 I would, but the fat kid spread a rumor 423 00:19:11,825 --> 00:19:13,218 that I use corn dogs to masturbate. 424 00:19:17,479 --> 00:19:18,480 Ooh! 425 00:19:20,915 --> 00:19:23,831 Ohh... 426 00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:32,832 Oh [bleep]. 427 00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:35,224 Next time, I'll kill you! 428 00:19:38,137 --> 00:19:40,400 Dude, should I get the nurse or something? 429 00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,792 Dude... 430 00:19:42,834 --> 00:19:44,575 I totally felt her boob. 431 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,140 Dude, I saw that. That was awesome. 432 00:19:47,531 --> 00:19:48,836 RJ! 433 00:19:48,879 --> 00:19:50,533 Oh, Claire, don't worry. 434 00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:51,968 - He's gonna be all right. - Did you tell the whole school 435 00:19:52,011 --> 00:19:53,012 I gave you a wank? 436 00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:57,753 I mean, not, like, the whole... ooh, ow! 437 00:19:57,795 --> 00:20:00,885 Never talk to me again, RJ! 438 00:20:00,925 --> 00:20:04,755 Wait! I... 439 00:20:04,797 --> 00:20:07,191 Well... 440 00:20:07,232 --> 00:20:09,104 At least you got your tugger. 441 00:20:09,146 --> 00:20:11,148 Yeah. 442 00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:12,713 Ow! 443 00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:14,453 My name is RJ Berger, 444 00:20:14,495 --> 00:20:16,497 and sometimes you win the battle but lose the war. 445 00:20:21,106 --> 00:20:23,543 Next on The Hard Times of RJ Berger... 446 00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:24,933 RJ, I'd like you to meet your sitter. 447 00:20:24,976 --> 00:20:25,629 Better get that mustache waxed, Lily. 448 00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:28,892 We're having us a party. 449 00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:29,978 Damn it, Miles! 450 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,935 I said no party. 451 00:20:31,978 --> 00:20:33,371 Look at that. 452 00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:35,850 Those jocks are practically circle-jerking on Jenny. 453 00:20:35,892 --> 00:20:36,980 That is my babysitter. 454 00:20:37,023 --> 00:20:38,502 I wish we were alone... 455 00:20:38,545 --> 00:20:40,112 - right now. - Everybody out!